Skip to main content

This is Halloween

October 31, 2017

Dear Todd,
How can one holiday go from magical, and fun, and a personal favorite to exhausted, stress-filled bullshit? It's not a riddle. It's parenting.

It's several things...

(1) the double costume hell of the "dress like your favorite literary character" at school coupled with, "But for REAL Halloween I wanna be a psycho clown killer riding on a T-Rex."

(2) The the "My friends are Trick or Treating over there and I'm not invited, and I don't want to Trick or Treat with the little (only by 23 months) kids."

(3) The problem-solving of how to make a teenager feel "big" only to finally come up with a solution  and get squashed by the, "Oh I am invited!" And then there were 2.

(4) A nice invite from the youngest's group "Does he want to go with the kids in this group?"

(5)And then an invite for the middle, "We'd love to have her in our neighborhood."  

ALL GREAT PROBLEMS TO HAVE---DON'T GET ME WRONG. But our younger children want to go together. So now, after rejecting friends, we rejoin our program with our daily "Fox, Chicken, Farmer, Grain" puzzle.

A 13yr old wants to be on the North side of town at 5:30.
The North side of town is anywhere from 15-35 mins away depending on traffic and time of day.
A 10 and 12yr old want to start Trick or Treating by 6pm
They want an adult to walk with them cuz they like that.
An adult has to drive the car
An adult has to hand out candy cuz I don't feel like testing the "honor" method this year
An adult has to take pictures of the kids in costumes.
A dog must be sedated. Or something.

So....pictures will take place at 4:45...
I will drive to the North Side and drop off one...
You will be in charge of candy/we have to sit on the driveway and kennel the lovable beast. I will be back and we can drink in the driveway.
The younger two can frolic parent-free throughout the hood. They'll be fine. Our 12yr old has a mean leg-sweep. And the 10 yr old won't let anyone or anything come between him and his candy. At somepoint I will go pick up the teenager.

So this tiny "blip" on the radar of our day has been solved.

Remember when it was grab a costume and meet at the bar?

Next Year...we gotta have a party...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

12 and 3/4

September 22, 2016 Dear Todd, I am writing to tell you that we have a teenager. Rest assurred that in the midst of my own mental deteriation I have not forgotten his birthday. I know that technically, we have another 2 months until his 13th trip around the sun has come to completion...but he is already showing signs. So I have decided to begin documentation. I think it's gonna be a good time, if he can just keep himself alive. And to that effect, I call upon the Gods of Brains with this plea. Oh Mighty Gods Of Wisdom that is Teen, Please put down your iPhone 7's, And all that comes in form of screen. Please look upon those Whom, like a sponge, absorb our changing world But without really thinking, try to process With emotions that come unfurled Let him always choose To look both ways Focus on what he loves And get straight A's? All right, the grades would be An extra perk But, please just let him Understand hard work And let him choose wisely Whe...
Post a Comment
Read more

Doggy Doggy, Where's Your Bonehead?

September 28th, 2016 Our dog Petey:  He's sitting in the kennel, with me. Why? Why is he in here with me? Why are we both not out in the great big world? Whether that be our living room, backyard, neighborhood, or dog park. Why are we both in this kennel? We can't even play in here. We can't even sleep comfortably.  And everybody is home.  It's not like you all went out and I climbed in here to take a nap. And he lured me in with a treat. What's his excuse? Why is he in here? WHY?!? What we hear: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! Woof! Awwoooof! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! Me: (upon finding the source of barking and giggling while opening the locked kennel) What the?!? WHY?!?! A: (Laughing still) I don't know.
Post a Comment
Read more

This Bud's for you

December 14th, 2016 Dear Todd, We went to see the Budweiser Clydesdales yesterday.  It was cool. They are seriously large horses--like Tyranahorses. Pretty sure that's what they're called. Pretty sure. And if I call them that enough, it will stick and they will be known as the Budweiser Tyranahorse, because we are living in a world where we can say whatever the f**k we want and not only will there be no consequence, but the word will be added to Webster's top Fab Five Fictious Phenomenons. But I digress... So we saw the horses. And as we were making our way back past them for the second time--aka "our farewell tour"--practicing our parade waves---one of our children shrieked and proceeded to shame Eric, the Clydesdale.  It would appear that Eric was giving me yet another teaching moment wherein I could explain the origin and meaning of the expression, "Hung like a horse." And so, I'd like to say, "Thank you, Eric. I really don't...
Post a Comment
Read more