Dear Todd (We have a Teenager)

October 30, 2016 Dear Todd, I'm so glad the trek to Chicago today was not in vain. GO CUBBIES!!! Cuz I was starting to think the curse was spreading out into our house when you left for the airport with my (remaining) car key.  Now...the fact that the car key was in the car you took and not on my key ring, needs some explaining. Not justifying...not excusing...just explaining. Because it would be such a different feeling if the key was misplaced due to me having so much irresponsible fun that I was flakey. That was not the case. There's a difference. And, for my own sanity,  I NEED you to acknowledge the difference and not perhaps think in the back of your mind that had I been more organized, this wouldn't have happened. Because that kind of thinking can get a person shivved. In order to paint the full happenings of such a mishap we will need to go back to Thursday night where in I stayed up (for the 3rd night in a row of crap-ass sleep) with our eldest and pulle...

October 26th, 2016 Dear Todd, I'm thinking of going back to school. Seeking a Master's in Counting Cards. I figure it's gotta be a two year program at most, and then I can go straight to Vegas and apply my degree. Where this sudden interest in such a degree you may ask? Well, I spent today at the Orthodontist---as most people tend to do on a sunny, fall Wednesday. And as you may remember we have not one, not two, but 3 children. Three children with f'd up teeth to be exact. Don't get me wrong, the x-rays were a solid source of entertainment, but not quite worth the price of admission. Basically, we could either have 2 tickets (down behind homeplate) to the World Series, or save our children's teeth. What I learned today at the Ortho  by Robin Faris Our youngest is half shark. Shocker.  Almost all of his adult teeth are pushing down in the wrong direction on top of his babies. Now, I'm thinking, 'down' is the right direction. But appare...

October 24th, 2016 Dear Todd, I'm not really sure where to start.  The headline on this one sort of sums up my Monday.  And as I make dinner right now, we still have a half-dressed 9 yr old who opts to "thrust" from time to time because his pants are off which, and I quote, "Makes me feel like a man." I'm in over my head. Out over my ski's. And any other bad metaphor for "screwed without a solution." It's that time in a working person's day when you "clock out." You shut down the computer, you decide to face the world again in the morning with a warm cup of coffee.  But he's still walking around. Half dressed. Now weilding a knife, cuz he's making his lunch. But, for your reference let's get back to the removal of the pants. All of our kids had fabulous plans with friends after school today.  Upon picking up our eldest and dropping off our youngest's friend (all possible at one house as they are broth...

October 23rd, 2016 Dear Todd, I would write about something re: our family or the cray-cray of parenting, but it feels wrong to not address the historical moment of last night and it's blocking my opportunity for other thoughts. So... Let me start with saying, "I get it. You played baseball. You collected the cards. You know the stats. You love the game. You get to go to Chicago and hopefully witness the Cubs win the World Series."  But here's my story... The Win last night (and yes "win" is capitalized because I understand that it's that major that it alters the rules of grammar) was nothing short of incredible.  Obviously for baseball fans, it's a big deal. But for those who are not even big baseball fans, and there are a lot of us, it's about the experience. Growing up, we would pretend to be different players during PE Softball. The Penguin, Sutcliffe, Ryno, Leon Durham, etc. It was 1984, I was in 5th grade and knew nothing about ba...

October 19th, 2016 Dear Todd, That whole plan of the "bailout" and one chance thing with the intent that SHOULD that ever happen again I wouldn't bail him out thing....ya know? That thing?  It happened. The next f'ning day. Amazing. Can't make it up. The next day?! Really? You'll be glad to know, that I DID NOT give any sort of sympathy, help, anything on this drive to school, and I am glad to report that he didn't look for any either. He apologized right away, and I said,  in a loving tone that expressed how little I cared this morning, "Don't apologize to me. I don't have to be there on time. I'm just your ride." So we zoomed off and as we pulled up to the school, with a minute to spare, his greatest fears were realized. There, in the middle of the "drop-off" line, was a mom (we'll call her Pam) who had parked her car and gotten out to help her child go into school---backing up cars down the street. This beha...

October 18th, 2016 Dear Todd, Getting out of the house this morning was a little less than fun. Just a smidgen away from a totally good time. And I'm pretty sure I'm on the verge of getting disbarred from parenting. NEWS FLASH: Our eldest is transforming. It's not unlike watching the sprouting of ear hair on Teen Wolf. He's starting to become something a little less responsible. A little less cuddly. A little less kind. And yet, he's still a good kid. It started with coming down to breakfast with only 10 minutes to get to the car. And peaked into a rollicking good time, when he ran upstairs to grab his camera for Photography 102 and realized that it was not in its case. He descended the stairs in total frustration declaring the injustice. "Everything BUT my camera is in my case." "Well, when did you last use your camera?" "A long time ago. And I put it back in the case." "Nobody went into your room and took your...

October 17th, 2016 Dear Todd, The subject heading is not nearly as interesting of a story as you may think. In fact it pertains to our youngest---shocker. It reflects on a time when he was even younger--still not surprising. But the way in which it came up today was priceless. I was picking them up from school and somewhere in the jumble of conversation I heard, "Did you kiss someone?" The question was asked of our youngest, by our daughter. He quickly replied, "No!" "Then why is your face red?" She continued to prod. "I didn't kiss anyone, " he calmly replied.  "I haven't kissed anyone since kindergarten." "WAIT. WHAT?!?!?!?"  This clearly threw her for a loop.  She began to giggle and repeat, "What?!?! What?!?!? Who?! When?! WHAT?!" I chimed in and said, as if it were totally old news to his siblings, "Yeah. He and Bo kissed Maggie in the Tipi." "WHAT?!" The giggles g...