Skip to main content

Kiss and Tell

October 17th, 2016

Dear Todd,

The subject heading is not nearly as interesting of a story as you may think. In fact it pertains to our youngest---shocker. It reflects on a time when he was even younger--still not surprising. But the way in which it came up today was priceless.

I was picking them up from school and somewhere in the jumble of conversation I heard, "Did you kiss someone?"

The question was asked of our youngest, by our daughter.

He quickly replied, "No!"

"Then why is your face red?" She continued to prod.

"I didn't kiss anyone, " he calmly replied.  "I haven't kissed anyone since kindergarten."

"WAIT. WHAT?!?!?!?"  This clearly threw her for a loop.  She began to giggle and repeat, "What?!?! What?!?!? Who?! When?! WHAT?!"

I chimed in and said, as if it were totally old news to his siblings, "Yeah. He and Bo kissed Maggie in the Tipi."

"WHAT?!" The giggles grew and the entire backseat began writhing in discomfort.

I tired to continue to make it no big deal. I cleverly added, "It was not a big deal. The 3 of them were in the Tipi and she gave each boy a kiss."

Our youngest chimed in, "Steven was in there too. But she didn't want to kiss him. And he was rocking and squealing with his hair like a rhino."

I started to feel badly for Steven. Which was horribly conflicting as none of those little people should've been kissing in the Tipi in the first place.

"So wait," our daughter continued, "Was this a kiss on the cheek or the lips."

He answered, "You don't want to know."

"LIPS?!?!" she shrieked. "UUUUGGGGHGHHH!!!"

He just smirked and unpacked his backpack.

Oh my...High School is gonna be hilarious.  God help whomever these kids bring home.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

12 and 3/4

September 22, 2016 Dear Todd, I am writing to tell you that we have a teenager. Rest assurred that in the midst of my own mental deteriation I have not forgotten his birthday. I know that technically, we have another 2 months until his 13th trip around the sun has come to completion...but he is already showing signs. So I have decided to begin documentation. I think it's gonna be a good time, if he can just keep himself alive. And to that effect, I call upon the Gods of Brains with this plea. Oh Mighty Gods Of Wisdom that is Teen, Please put down your iPhone 7's, And all that comes in form of screen. Please look upon those Whom, like a sponge, absorb our changing world But without really thinking, try to process With emotions that come unfurled Let him always choose To look both ways Focus on what he loves And get straight A's? All right, the grades would be An extra perk But, please just let him Understand hard work And let him choose wisely Whe...

Doggy Doggy, Where's Your Bonehead?

September 28th, 2016 Our dog Petey:  He's sitting in the kennel, with me. Why? Why is he in here with me? Why are we both not out in the great big world? Whether that be our living room, backyard, neighborhood, or dog park. Why are we both in this kennel? We can't even play in here. We can't even sleep comfortably.  And everybody is home.  It's not like you all went out and I climbed in here to take a nap. And he lured me in with a treat. What's his excuse? Why is he in here? WHY?!? What we hear: BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! Woof! Awwoooof! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! Me: (upon finding the source of barking and giggling while opening the locked kennel) What the?!? WHY?!?! A: (Laughing still) I don't know.

This Bud's for you

December 14th, 2016 Dear Todd, We went to see the Budweiser Clydesdales yesterday.  It was cool. They are seriously large horses--like Tyranahorses. Pretty sure that's what they're called. Pretty sure. And if I call them that enough, it will stick and they will be known as the Budweiser Tyranahorse, because we are living in a world where we can say whatever the f**k we want and not only will there be no consequence, but the word will be added to Webster's top Fab Five Fictious Phenomenons. But I digress... So we saw the horses. And as we were making our way back past them for the second time--aka "our farewell tour"--practicing our parade waves---one of our children shrieked and proceeded to shame Eric, the Clydesdale.  It would appear that Eric was giving me yet another teaching moment wherein I could explain the origin and meaning of the expression, "Hung like a horse." And so, I'd like to say, "Thank you, Eric. I really don't...