Skip to main content

Kiss and Tell

October 17th, 2016

Dear Todd,

The subject heading is not nearly as interesting of a story as you may think. In fact it pertains to our youngest---shocker. It reflects on a time when he was even younger--still not surprising. But the way in which it came up today was priceless.

I was picking them up from school and somewhere in the jumble of conversation I heard, "Did you kiss someone?"

The question was asked of our youngest, by our daughter.

He quickly replied, "No!"

"Then why is your face red?" She continued to prod.

"I didn't kiss anyone, " he calmly replied.  "I haven't kissed anyone since kindergarten."

"WAIT. WHAT?!?!?!?"  This clearly threw her for a loop.  She began to giggle and repeat, "What?!?! What?!?!? Who?! When?! WHAT?!"

I chimed in and said, as if it were totally old news to his siblings, "Yeah. He and Bo kissed Maggie in the Tipi."

"WHAT?!" The giggles grew and the entire backseat began writhing in discomfort.

I tired to continue to make it no big deal. I cleverly added, "It was not a big deal. The 3 of them were in the Tipi and she gave each boy a kiss."

Our youngest chimed in, "Steven was in there too. But she didn't want to kiss him. And he was rocking and squealing with his hair like a rhino."

I started to feel badly for Steven. Which was horribly conflicting as none of those little people should've been kissing in the Tipi in the first place.

"So wait," our daughter continued, "Was this a kiss on the cheek or the lips."

He answered, "You don't want to know."

"LIPS?!?!" she shrieked. "UUUUGGGGHGHHH!!!"

He just smirked and unpacked his backpack.

Oh my...High School is gonna be hilarious.  God help whomever these kids bring home.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Our naked boy is a GMO

October 24th, 2016 Dear Todd, I'm not really sure where to start.  The headline on this one sort of sums up my Monday.  And as I make dinner right now, we still have a half-dressed 9 yr old who opts to "thrust" from time to time because his pants are off which, and I quote, "Makes me feel like a man." I'm in over my head. Out over my ski's. And any other bad metaphor for "screwed without a solution." It's that time in a working person's day when you "clock out." You shut down the computer, you decide to face the world again in the morning with a warm cup of coffee.  But he's still walking around. Half dressed. Now weilding a knife, cuz he's making his lunch. But, for your reference let's get back to the removal of the pants. All of our kids had fabulous plans with friends after school today.  Upon picking up our eldest and dropping off our youngest's friend (all possible at one house as they are broth...
Post a Comment
Read more

Story Problems

October 4th, 2016 Dear Todd, As the household proclaimed "linear thinker," I have a math problem for you. Or the world's longest run-on sentence... If a woman is awoken at 5:15am by a nightmare of a toxic/sewage smelling snake sliding up the side of her body rapidly encroaching on her breathing, and slowly opens her eyes to look around so as not to startle the snake, only to find that the snake is a pair of size 4 male feet and the toxcitiy is coming from the 70lb farting dog in the bed and thus she slides out discreetly thumping onto the floor and army crawling downstairs as to not disturb anyone else in an attempt to have a cup of coffee by herself only to be followed by the farting dog that proceeds to vomit a 32inch diameter puddle on the living room rug, waking the size 4 feet that rapidly descend to request a peach for breakfast. The sound of the youngest running down the stairs wakes the oldest (who has never woken up on his own before 7am unless it was a Sun...
Post a Comment
Read more

Tooth Fairy Conjunctivitis

November 9, 2017 Dear Todd,  So as you know, since I was not home at the time, (ahem) the crossbow tooth-launch was a huge success. Which meant, the tooth fairy had to come. However, a rush from such an activity—the adrenaline, the thrill of success cannot be quelled by “Hey it’s 10 o’clock. Get to bed.” And I cannot stay awake past 10:15pm anymore. Apparently. So, it looked to be a recipe for huge TF failure. (“Tooth Fairy”) So, I was pleasantly surprised to be woken up by the dog at 2:30am—perfect fairy time. And as I tiptoed into our youngest’s bedroom, I was reminded, once again, that I am my own worst enemy. Days earlier I came up with the brilliant idea to place a “displaced futon mattress ” under his bunk/desk. It made an excellent little reading nook and I felt pretty good about myself. It just fit. Wedged up against his desk chair. Perpendicular to his upper bunk, with a little cubby under the desk. What this meant for the “not so small,” ...
Post a Comment
Read more