November 17th, 2016
Dear Todd,
Yesterday was one of those days when our native languages failed us and the result was me wishing all my fingers could turn into the middle one and I could angrily wave Jazz hands at you, and you clearly wishing you could ball me up into a reasonably tight package and drop kick me through the roof.
Let this be a message to those who are dating...seize the opportunity to go back to your own place while you can. Or if you've decided to go for the "long haul," practice being stuck in each other's space knowing that even if you leave, you have to come back. Unless you wanted to get a hotel---but then you are just spending more of "both" of your money which is destined to cause another battle down the road, when clearly you could've just come home--after all Timmy needs braces and plays for a traveling baseball team. Unless, of course, you are being beaten/abused. Then get the hotel. Preferably in a different state. And use cash.
Anyway...I digress...my point is, in the words of Martha and the Vandellas, once you're married you've got "Nowhere to run to, Baby...Nowhere to hide." And inevitably there will be days when you want to. And they should teach a class on it. Maybe called, "How to re-enter the room when you want to set your spouse on fire with your eyes." It should be part of a 12 step program you have to pass before you can get your marriage license. And then another one called, "I'm a better actor than you are" in order to get approved to have children. Because while you are in the throws of pyrotechnic fantasies, you have to be totally normal to your children.
The good news is, these days are far and few between, and probably a result of stirring up any sediment that might be forming from the monotony of keeping our children alive in a secret covert operation I call, "Good Morning, You Do This, I Do That, Good Night." Or "I Know I Had A Brain Once, Don't You Dare Tell Me I Didn't."
Or perhaps we just need a series of "safe words." When everything is getting heated, we just call out "Pineapple" or "Kiwi" and start a grocery list of produce and walk away. I dunno. (Kids, if you read this one day, fighting is needed. But no fun. Glad that one is over.)
I'm now going to tip-toe into our daughter's room--who has lost all her teeth already--and answer the note for Ruby the Tooth Fairy---because, even without teeth, they still talk. Yes. I did this all to myself. By myself. Ssshhh...Don't make me do Jazz hands at you...
Dear Todd,
Yesterday was one of those days when our native languages failed us and the result was me wishing all my fingers could turn into the middle one and I could angrily wave Jazz hands at you, and you clearly wishing you could ball me up into a reasonably tight package and drop kick me through the roof.
Let this be a message to those who are dating...seize the opportunity to go back to your own place while you can. Or if you've decided to go for the "long haul," practice being stuck in each other's space knowing that even if you leave, you have to come back. Unless you wanted to get a hotel---but then you are just spending more of "both" of your money which is destined to cause another battle down the road, when clearly you could've just come home--after all Timmy needs braces and plays for a traveling baseball team. Unless, of course, you are being beaten/abused. Then get the hotel. Preferably in a different state. And use cash.
Anyway...I digress...my point is, in the words of Martha and the Vandellas, once you're married you've got "Nowhere to run to, Baby...Nowhere to hide." And inevitably there will be days when you want to. And they should teach a class on it. Maybe called, "How to re-enter the room when you want to set your spouse on fire with your eyes." It should be part of a 12 step program you have to pass before you can get your marriage license. And then another one called, "I'm a better actor than you are" in order to get approved to have children. Because while you are in the throws of pyrotechnic fantasies, you have to be totally normal to your children.
The good news is, these days are far and few between, and probably a result of stirring up any sediment that might be forming from the monotony of keeping our children alive in a secret covert operation I call, "Good Morning, You Do This, I Do That, Good Night." Or "I Know I Had A Brain Once, Don't You Dare Tell Me I Didn't."
Or perhaps we just need a series of "safe words." When everything is getting heated, we just call out "Pineapple" or "Kiwi" and start a grocery list of produce and walk away. I dunno. (Kids, if you read this one day, fighting is needed. But no fun. Glad that one is over.)
I'm now going to tip-toe into our daughter's room--who has lost all her teeth already--and answer the note for Ruby the Tooth Fairy---because, even without teeth, they still talk. Yes. I did this all to myself. By myself. Ssshhh...Don't make me do Jazz hands at you...
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