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Why I Sometimes Hide

November 1st, 2017

Dear Todd,
We are officially back in the madness of incomplete conversations mixed with the bombardment of information---you know...just like the toddler years. Only the information we are receiving now is much more than an introduction to stuffed animals "Chi Chi and Hearty," or a request to "Come here" or simply a declaration like "Poop!"

For example...this afternoon...picture a house with 3 people ranging from 55"-61". They move throughout the space sometimes talking when near, sometimes commenting randomly from afar.

After entering through the garage I was met by our youngest--almost nose to nose.

J: Mom!
Me: Yup?
(Middle interjects)
R:Hey, I was going to ask her something first.
J: I didn't know that.
R: Yes, you did because I said, when Mommy comes in I'm going to ask her about my homework.
J: Well, I'm asking her something and then you can.
(I wanted to say, actually nobody is asking me anything, you are just bickering and then disappear upstairs, but alas.)
J: Tomorrow morning I want to take the empty jug---
R: SERIOUSLY?!
J--- of laundry detergent and I'm gonna need a cone and some sand and charcoal because I want to make my water filtration system.
Me: Huh?
(Our eldest interjects)
A: I don't understand how (insert friend's name) ripped his pants today. It was so funny! He just took a large step and there was this big rip and then he sort of scooted away.
R: YOU TOO?! I need to ask Mommy a question
J: I'm going to make a filtration system so if we ever need to make clean water out of a pond or something we can.
Me: Are we going to need to do that by tomorrow?
A: Seriously Mom, watch. He was like this and then we all heard this huge rip---
R: OH MY GOSH. I HAVE HOMEWORK
J: We might not need it tomorrow, but it would be good to have. I also want to make this fish trap, and I already put together the empty milk jug and cut down the two-liter so the fish have a bigger area to float around but they still can't get out.
A: And he just backed up slowly, but when he turned we could all see this giant hole in his pants.
Me: I need to put down my purse, take off my coat, and---
R: Help me with math?
J: So can I?
Me: What?
R: If the perimeter of the face of the cube is 22.2, what is the length of each side?
J: Make a water filtration system and a fish trap?
Me: How many sides does the face of a cube have?
J: Or just a fish trap?
R: Four
Me: No
R: It doesn't?
Me: I meant, "No I can't help you get the things for a water filtration system or fish trap right now." Yes there are four sides. And how do you find the perimeter?
(My eldest, glued to his phone, yells from the couch across the room)
A: You add the sides together!
J: Well what about tomorrow?
Me: I don't know. It might be a weekend thing.
J: Did my rollerblades come?
Me: I don't know
J: Bye! I'm gonna check the mail
R: So then do we divide?
Me: Wait! DO you have the keys?
J: Yup
Me:Yes
A: No you add
Me: The question isn't about finding the perimeter
A: Oh
R: 5.55
Me: Yes
J: Mom they came! Can you help me put them on?
Me: Sure. Because everything is easier on wheels.
R: I have more questions!
A: Oh my gosh this guy in this video just got run over by a random tire. You gotta see this!
Me: I don't. I really don't.

Which brings me to why you found me hiding in the bathroom with Halloween candy.


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