December 6, 2016
Dear Todd,
Remember that episode of Ren and Stimpy...called Space Madness in which Ren and Stimpy lose their freakin' minds?
I just relived it today with our oldest, "Ren" and our youngest "Stimpy." However, instead of space and low levels of oxygen, I just took them to their annual physical...and as they anticipated the yearly Flu shot and examination of testicles, they lost their minds. It started in the large waiting room, while I was checking them in.
Me: Hey Guys? Go get some sanitizer on your hands while we're waiting.
There were pumps at every end table and even a stand in the middle of the room.
As they started...like normal people...at one pump...I stepped up to hand over insurance info and sign medical release forms.
When I glanced back over my shoulder, I discovered that they were zipping around the room like competitors in a championship easter egg hunt---gathering samples of sanitizer from every possible pump and squealing with laughter as they administered the occasional "body check" exposing their competitive nature.
I then eloquently said something like, "OH MY GAWD---HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?! SIT DOWN."
However, before they could sit we were called back to the doctor's office. To sit. And wait. And then the real madness set in.
9yr: What if your arms were super long and you could reach over and smack people across the room?
13yr: Yeah like giant elephant trunks and you could just swing them around and smack down everything in your path?
(They are both flailing their arms in close proximity to each other and nearly missing the other's face until a spontaneous thought exploded form our youngest)
9yr: Aaaaaaaaaaaah!!!! I don't want to get a shot! What if it's like a ginormous needle that can barely like fit in the room?
13yr: Yea, and they need 20 people just to push the needle into your arm?
9yr: Arm? I thought it went into your thigh?
(No fear or reaction to the 20 people needed to administer the shot.)
13yr: It can go either place. I get arm now. But you're still young enough to get thigh.
9yr: I want the mist!
(He then began to pantomine receiveing the mist. And being the mist. And "poofed" his way around the tiny room)
13yr: If they have the mist.
(Dream crusher)
9yr: They have to have the mist. I don't want the shot!
13yr: At least yours is in the thigh.
9yr: I hate when they look at your private area.
Me: That's a good reaction to have. It's supposed to be uncomfortable because it's private. Doctor's are just checking for your health. Nobody else should be checking it out.
And then just because we're still waiting....
9yr: Imagine you were like a bug trapped in this room and you always got check-ups and you could never get out, but everytime the doctor came in he gave you shots and checked your privates?
13yr: What?!?!
(Cuz apparently THAT is too weird for a 13 yr old)
9yr: I would just kill myself. I would dive into that alcohol bottle or sit in the drain in the sink until they turned on the water.
Doctor enters.
D: How is everyone today?
"Fine," we all lied in unison.
Dear Todd,
Remember that episode of Ren and Stimpy...called Space Madness in which Ren and Stimpy lose their freakin' minds?
I just relived it today with our oldest, "Ren" and our youngest "Stimpy." However, instead of space and low levels of oxygen, I just took them to their annual physical...and as they anticipated the yearly Flu shot and examination of testicles, they lost their minds. It started in the large waiting room, while I was checking them in.
Me: Hey Guys? Go get some sanitizer on your hands while we're waiting.
There were pumps at every end table and even a stand in the middle of the room.
As they started...like normal people...at one pump...I stepped up to hand over insurance info and sign medical release forms.
When I glanced back over my shoulder, I discovered that they were zipping around the room like competitors in a championship easter egg hunt---gathering samples of sanitizer from every possible pump and squealing with laughter as they administered the occasional "body check" exposing their competitive nature.
I then eloquently said something like, "OH MY GAWD---HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?! SIT DOWN."
However, before they could sit we were called back to the doctor's office. To sit. And wait. And then the real madness set in.
9yr: What if your arms were super long and you could reach over and smack people across the room?
13yr: Yeah like giant elephant trunks and you could just swing them around and smack down everything in your path?
(They are both flailing their arms in close proximity to each other and nearly missing the other's face until a spontaneous thought exploded form our youngest)
9yr: Aaaaaaaaaaaah!!!! I don't want to get a shot! What if it's like a ginormous needle that can barely like fit in the room?
13yr: Yea, and they need 20 people just to push the needle into your arm?
9yr: Arm? I thought it went into your thigh?
(No fear or reaction to the 20 people needed to administer the shot.)
13yr: It can go either place. I get arm now. But you're still young enough to get thigh.
9yr: I want the mist!
(He then began to pantomine receiveing the mist. And being the mist. And "poofed" his way around the tiny room)
13yr: If they have the mist.
(Dream crusher)
9yr: They have to have the mist. I don't want the shot!
13yr: At least yours is in the thigh.
9yr: I hate when they look at your private area.
Me: That's a good reaction to have. It's supposed to be uncomfortable because it's private. Doctor's are just checking for your health. Nobody else should be checking it out.
And then just because we're still waiting....
9yr: Imagine you were like a bug trapped in this room and you always got check-ups and you could never get out, but everytime the doctor came in he gave you shots and checked your privates?
13yr: What?!?!
(Cuz apparently THAT is too weird for a 13 yr old)
9yr: I would just kill myself. I would dive into that alcohol bottle or sit in the drain in the sink until they turned on the water.
Doctor enters.
D: How is everyone today?
"Fine," we all lied in unison.
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