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I Can't Feel My Face When I'm With You

October 5th, 2016

Dear Todd,

I think as an adult there are few things I like less than going places to pay to have things fixed. All things; from bikes, to cars, to pets, to teeth, to bodies. I just want things to not be broken so instead of surgery on a dog's stomach, or a new carborator we can go to ANYWHERE ELSE BUT A REPAIR OFFICE and do ANYTHING ELSE BUT GET "REPAIRED."

So yesterday, I went to the "Repair Office of Teeth." They gave me lots of novocaine. Which is great, because no one wants to ever feel anything that sounds like a power drill and makes dust like a power drill billowing out of one's mouth. So they numbed my entire right side. And all I wanted to do was start making Bill Cosby dentist jokes,"I Cabn Feleb My Libbip!"  And then realized that (1) The people in the office may be too young to know the sketch and (2) Cosby is no longer the name you want to drop in any cirucmstance surrounding any form of sedation. Makes you seem creepy. 

And then the whole thing made me sad. Because Bill Cosby was once thought to be a great man and because here I was in a "REPAIR SHOP" being "REPAIRED ON." And the people who were repairing me were talking about their upcoming vacations that I'm no doubt making possible because I got the "weakest link" when it comes to teeth. OR I really love sugar and flossing is not my favorite. Whatever. One of those reasons. 

So they finished the "remodel" and removed the exstensive "metal scaffolding" that was holding my mouth open so they could get to this wonderful and unique location (my cavities seem to reside in rare and hidden destinations--desired by only those with a great passion for spelunking) and sent me to the front desk.

I "charged it!" Cuz that's not real money, and went to the grocery store. The numbing seemed to be getting stronger and I was feeling very weird in public.

Since I coulbn't feeleb my faybace I wabuz graybitful for the sellef- chebeckout.

Whben I gobbit hobome, I wabuz grebeeted by Pebey. Who'b ibis sibick. 
Wheben my faybace comes babck. I willub call the DbOG REBAIR. Sbon of a Bbitch.

Whoboo wabants a kibiss?




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