October 3rd, 2016
Dear Todd,
While you were out last night I had a night of grand dependence and ADHD. What I mean is that during this window of 6-9pm I had not-so-little, little people asking me for things like water and a plate and where to put their dirty clothes, and to proof their English paper, and to read them a story...all things that typically haven fallen under the "I'm a big kid now. I do it all by myself" era that (minus the English paper) started happening around....ooh I dunno.....8 YEARS AGO!?
But I digress...so fast forward to us sitting in our queen bed. When I say "us" I mean me, all 3 kids and Petey the Jumbo Dog."
You are eating dinner with a good friend at a nice bar out in the world, where people our age live. Not, that I'm complaining. I have my nights out too for sure, but I don't think your nights inside look like mine. I dunno.
Could be wrong. Maybe you guys do all pile in one bed, Charlie Bucket style, and correct English papers with your right ear, while monitoring Boy Bites Dog with the left, all the while trying to read a "bedtime" story to your daughter. Or, maybe you are working and have told them to go up and get ready for bed, and then you come up and kiss them goodnight and go back down to work. Maybe. Dunno. Think probably. Don't want to assume. But just maybe.
I know I will miss these moments and I do try to take them in as they come. A full bed is a gift.
And yet...I found that my inner crazy came out when I opened my mouth. Delivering, what I truly thought was going to be poignant and thought provoking. It started with me watching the same behavior in which I had said, "Please Stop" or "Please don't do that," numerous times.
And finally I put down the book I was reading and said, "I need you guys to listen for a moment."
"WOOOOOAAAAHHHH!" Exclaimed our youngest as he backward somersaulted off the end of the bed; the dog quickly turning and jumping down on top of him to resume chewing the fallen forearm. As he squealed with laughter I felt myself channeling my 3rd grade teacher, Mrs. Eagle, sitting in front of the class with pursed lips, after delivering her one line of gross disappointment, "I'll wait."
As they quieted down I said, "I want to let you know why it's important for both of us, that you listen to me when I speak. And then I rambled, like I was given a microphone and a large high-paying audience. But to sum up, I said, "My role now, as your mom, is mostly as Words and Wheels. I get you places and I have advice and rules, but everything else, you can pretty much do on your own. I'm here for support, financially obviously, but mostly emotionally---for guidance with manners, and life skills, and behavior. So picture me as Bosley, from Charlie's Angels. I'm the voice. And when you guys keep doing the same behavior and ignoring the "voice," it makes me question my existence."
I'm looking around, and I may have just put them all to sleep.
"You see me right?" I ask, testing whether they are out cold or not.
"Uh huh," they all said in unison.
"You hear me?"
"Uh huh," they all nodded again.
"So should I have to ask you more than once to get ready for bed?"
"No," said the chorus.
"Should I have to ask you not to stick your face under the dog's butt at all, let alone more than once?"
"No," they laughed.
"Is it weird for me to expect you to stop playing and talking and listen if you have asked me to read a story and climbed into MY bed?"
"No."
"So you see me and hear me?"
"Yes."
"Ok. Then where were we?" I saying opening the book up again.
"We don't know," they replied sheepishly, "we weren't really listening."
So if you catch me reciting the phrase, "You is kind, you is smart and you is important," over and over in the mirror...don't judge. You may want to start too.
Dear Todd,
While you were out last night I had a night of grand dependence and ADHD. What I mean is that during this window of 6-9pm I had not-so-little, little people asking me for things like water and a plate and where to put their dirty clothes, and to proof their English paper, and to read them a story...all things that typically haven fallen under the "I'm a big kid now. I do it all by myself" era that (minus the English paper) started happening around....ooh I dunno.....8 YEARS AGO!?
But I digress...so fast forward to us sitting in our queen bed. When I say "us" I mean me, all 3 kids and Petey the Jumbo Dog."
You are eating dinner with a good friend at a nice bar out in the world, where people our age live. Not, that I'm complaining. I have my nights out too for sure, but I don't think your nights inside look like mine. I dunno.
Could be wrong. Maybe you guys do all pile in one bed, Charlie Bucket style, and correct English papers with your right ear, while monitoring Boy Bites Dog with the left, all the while trying to read a "bedtime" story to your daughter. Or, maybe you are working and have told them to go up and get ready for bed, and then you come up and kiss them goodnight and go back down to work. Maybe. Dunno. Think probably. Don't want to assume. But just maybe.
I know I will miss these moments and I do try to take them in as they come. A full bed is a gift.
And yet...I found that my inner crazy came out when I opened my mouth. Delivering, what I truly thought was going to be poignant and thought provoking. It started with me watching the same behavior in which I had said, "Please Stop" or "Please don't do that," numerous times.
And finally I put down the book I was reading and said, "I need you guys to listen for a moment."
"WOOOOOAAAAHHHH!" Exclaimed our youngest as he backward somersaulted off the end of the bed; the dog quickly turning and jumping down on top of him to resume chewing the fallen forearm. As he squealed with laughter I felt myself channeling my 3rd grade teacher, Mrs. Eagle, sitting in front of the class with pursed lips, after delivering her one line of gross disappointment, "I'll wait."
As they quieted down I said, "I want to let you know why it's important for both of us, that you listen to me when I speak. And then I rambled, like I was given a microphone and a large high-paying audience. But to sum up, I said, "My role now, as your mom, is mostly as Words and Wheels. I get you places and I have advice and rules, but everything else, you can pretty much do on your own. I'm here for support, financially obviously, but mostly emotionally---for guidance with manners, and life skills, and behavior. So picture me as Bosley, from Charlie's Angels. I'm the voice. And when you guys keep doing the same behavior and ignoring the "voice," it makes me question my existence."
I'm looking around, and I may have just put them all to sleep.
"You see me right?" I ask, testing whether they are out cold or not.
"Uh huh," they all said in unison.
"You hear me?"
"Uh huh," they all nodded again.
"So should I have to ask you more than once to get ready for bed?"
"No," said the chorus.
"Should I have to ask you not to stick your face under the dog's butt at all, let alone more than once?"
"No," they laughed.
"Is it weird for me to expect you to stop playing and talking and listen if you have asked me to read a story and climbed into MY bed?"
"No."
"So you see me and hear me?"
"Yes."
"Ok. Then where were we?" I saying opening the book up again.
"We don't know," they replied sheepishly, "we weren't really listening."
So if you catch me reciting the phrase, "You is kind, you is smart and you is important," over and over in the mirror...don't judge. You may want to start too.
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